I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Are we still banned from the library?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
