The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
