he thought i was a dude.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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