is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
