I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
