she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
