Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Randomize
