You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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