i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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