forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
