He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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