Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
