Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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