HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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