I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
