i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
