I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
