my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize