It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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