yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize