I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
