My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
honey bunches of taint.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
