my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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