Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
