I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just pee around me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
