Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
