you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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