I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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