no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
