I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just puked most of my soul out..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
