That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
