she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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