What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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