she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
