the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
