Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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