Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
