The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
