I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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