I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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