Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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