You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
