she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
