i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
being pregnant is like rehab
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
