I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize