i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
