Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
