This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm really busy with my period
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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