I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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