Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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