I just saw a hot homeless man
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Randomize
