Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
