Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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