Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
