you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
