I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
