Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
