thus making me awesome and them whores
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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