I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The beer is more important than you right now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
