Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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