don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize