ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
