Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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