haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
