you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
