Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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