There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
